[Emerald was still getting used to... not burying the lede quite so much. expressing herself clearly. so when she saw Neo relax, it made things a little easier to get out, and seeing those signs... gods, she was working really hard. she was trying. while she still had Neo's attention, she crossed her arms over her chest in a sign that they both knew very well by now, and then waited for her to finish writing.]
[she took in every word as carefully as she could and tried not to overthink it. tried not to focus too hard on why she was having such a comparatively easy time winning people over, because inside she knew that it was because nobody knew what exactly she'd orchestrated. she was still flying under the radar. but that was an anxiety she could deal with later, because right now she had to handle her relationship anxieties.]
You think that might work? Getting to throw some weight around and keep the ones who are worse than both of us in line? [she gave a nervous look, an uncertain smile. maybe it was a way to keep her edge while she got better. that's all she'd wanted to view teaming up with people who weren't Cinder as to begin with. just a job. didn't turn out that way, obviously, but maybe just getting a job bouncing would help.]
I'm just glad that you've got that kind of confidence in me. I just... I worry so much. I worry about getting too far away from you. And I guess... I guess about getting too close, too. [sigh. more to dissect now.] I've had all these awful thoughts running through my head for weeks. I don't understand why Yang died for me. I still don't think I'm worth that, and. And I've barely told you about any of it. We're dating and I didn't tell you what's going on in my own head and I don't know why. I mean, I—[she laughed incredulously, the half-coherent conversation about Cinder with Qrow flooding her mind again.] I made a choice about Cinder! I drew a line that she doesn't know exists yet but if she ever tries to cross it again then I decided that's it! And. And I didn't even tell you.
And I don't know why. I don't know why I didn't let you in. [she turned her head, studying Neo's face while she apologized.] And I'm sorry. And I don't know if I'll end up doing it again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-11-06 05:02 pm (UTC)[she took in every word as carefully as she could and tried not to overthink it. tried not to focus too hard on why she was having such a comparatively easy time winning people over, because inside she knew that it was because nobody knew what exactly she'd orchestrated. she was still flying under the radar. but that was an anxiety she could deal with later, because right now she had to handle her relationship anxieties.]
You think that might work? Getting to throw some weight around and keep the ones who are worse than both of us in line? [she gave a nervous look, an uncertain smile. maybe it was a way to keep her edge while she got better. that's all she'd wanted to view teaming up with people who weren't Cinder as to begin with. just a job. didn't turn out that way, obviously, but maybe just getting a job bouncing would help.]
I'm just glad that you've got that kind of confidence in me. I just... I worry so much. I worry about getting too far away from you. And I guess... I guess about getting too close, too. [sigh. more to dissect now.] I've had all these awful thoughts running through my head for weeks. I don't understand why Yang died for me. I still don't think I'm worth that, and. And I've barely told you about any of it. We're dating and I didn't tell you what's going on in my own head and I don't know why. I mean, I—[she laughed incredulously, the half-coherent conversation about Cinder with Qrow flooding her mind again.] I made a choice about Cinder! I drew a line that she doesn't know exists yet but if she ever tries to cross it again then I decided that's it! And. And I didn't even tell you.
And I don't know why. I don't know why I didn't let you in. [she turned her head, studying Neo's face while she apologized.] And I'm sorry. And I don't know if I'll end up doing it again.