threelayers | IC Inbox

[She breathed a sigh of relief when Emerald said that first thing. Her hand reached out and patted at her partner's knee and she looked infinitely more relaxed. Seriously, she was a little nervous there for a second, but the reassurance helped.

Afterwards, she listened very carefully. A nod about Weiss. Yeah, that was kind of an odd experience. Even Weiss was being... neutral? Then again, they'd been in public and neither had been openly confrontational, so that was part of it. The comment about Huntresses got the tiniest bit of a chuckle.

She let it all come out, waiting for the end. Afterwards, she reached up her hands and signed. Slowly. Cautiously. It was still a work in progress.

'Going to write. Easier.'

She took out a pad of paper rather than the fluid. No accidental missposts in the process of this. No thank you. Besides, she kind of wanted this to stay on the record rather than be deleted right afterwards, after all.]

I'm not worried about that, but I understand why you're worried?
You were already starting to try when you moved in here, and I've known you're trying a little.
So, I don't have a problem with most of them, never did, really and Ruby and I are ...ok-ish.
My being friends with them might be nice with a couple, but we have to get past things first.
It's going to take a very long time for me to earn their trust and vice versa.

I don't think you being friends with them is a bad thing.
You're still you, Emerald, and they're never going to tame you completely.
But as for "Reforming," I'm not actively joining a crime family here.
There's no Roman around for me to follow, so I think it should be fine.
I'm just bouncing at the bar, really, and that's good for me.

Maybe a little petty theft here and there, heh.

[Emerald was still getting used to... not burying the lede quite so much. expressing herself clearly. so when she saw Neo relax, it made things a little easier to get out, and seeing those signs... gods, she was working really hard. she was trying. while she still had Neo's attention, she crossed her arms over her chest in a sign that they both knew very well by now, and then waited for her to finish writing.]

[she took in every word as carefully as she could and tried not to overthink it. tried not to focus too hard on why she was having such a comparatively easy time winning people over, because inside she knew that it was because nobody knew what exactly she'd orchestrated. she was still flying under the radar. but that was an anxiety she could deal with later, because right now she had to handle her relationship anxieties.]

You think that might work? Getting to throw some weight around and keep the ones who are worse than both of us in line? [she gave a nervous look, an uncertain smile. maybe it was a way to keep her edge while she got better. that's all she'd wanted to view teaming up with people who weren't Cinder as to begin with. just a job. didn't turn out that way, obviously, but maybe just getting a job bouncing would help.]

I'm just glad that you've got that kind of confidence in me. I just... I worry so much. I worry about getting too far away from you. And I guess... I guess about getting too close, too. [sigh. more to dissect now.] I've had all these awful thoughts running through my head for weeks. I don't understand why Yang died for me. I still don't think I'm worth that, and. And I've barely told you about any of it. We're dating and I didn't tell you what's going on in my own head and I don't know why. I mean, I—[she laughed incredulously, the half-coherent conversation about Cinder with Qrow flooding her mind again.] I made a choice about Cinder! I drew a line that she doesn't know exists yet but if she ever tries to cross it again then I decided that's it! And. And I didn't even tell you.

And I don't know why. I don't know why I didn't let you in. [she turned her head, studying Neo's face while she apologized.] And I'm sorry. And I don't know if I'll end up doing it again.

[Oh wow, thaaaaat was a lot. Ok, she tried to take it all in, one piece after another. Wait, Yang had died? Fuck, she was spending way too much time out of the loop. And she'd been making how many decisions? Struggling with....

It was a bit for Neo, but she started by the end of it to pick up on something, more than anything else. There was a running theme, and it made perfect sense under the circumstances. It was painfully obvious what one of the most pivotal issues was for Emerald, and it was all something that Neo had known was applicable. There were two issues, in fact, but she wanted to hit the first one first.

Scooting forward, she wrote quickly.]

What's the saying?
Once burned, twice shy?
You have trouble trusting people.
I know this about you, and I accept that.

[As she read that, Neo wrote the next part. Because this was important to her to get across. one of the things she'd said, it bothered her, more than anything else. Because she remembered how she'd felt about Roman's death, and the familiarity was there.

You will always be worth risking my life for.
And knowing Yang, she wouldn't want you to think otherwise.
She makes her own choices, and she risks herself because she wants to.

[she barely had time to process the first part before Neo was already finishing the second, and it took a moment, still in time, for the words to get from her eyes to her brain. she felt her jaw hanging slightly open, her eyes widening, and it almost felt stupid (she almost felt stupid) but her arms moved around Neo's shoulders and hugged her close before Emerald could even make words happen properly.]

[she inhaled sharply after a moment and tried to control her words.]

Nobody's ever said that they would be willing to die for me. I've always been the one saying it to them. [that's. the stupid part. that was the worst part, that she had to hear it come from her own voice.] I've never mattered to anyone like that before. I don't know what it's like. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel when someone actually does it.

[She returned the hug, curling her legs over Emerald's lap and letting her talk while her arms circled around her waist. She wasn't in any hurry to change the situation or to make her press forward. She just let it all get out, her head resting against Emerald's shoulder while she smiled sadly. No, that was definitely something that she understood. Before Roman she'd never done the same thing with anyone or heard it from anyone. So, yeah. That loneliness was all very much there, wriggling around in the back of her mind. Finally she leaned her forehead against Em's and smiled at her.]

You're going to get used to it eventually.
You're worth caring about, after all, and she'll be back.
So at least there's that, right?

[Emerald couldn't even follow up the way she wanted and tell Neo that Yang was gone. not with her girlfriend curled up in her lap like this. not when she was getting physical comfort from someone she wanted to trust so badly. from someone she loved.]

I don't want to get burned again, Neo. I don't want to to back to her. I don't. I know you want to forgive her for my sake but I don't... I don't want to forgive her. [her fingers dug into Neo as she said it. she could feel her eyes closing tighter.]

I don't know what I want with her but I don't want to give her any more of my heart. She doesn't know what to do with it. She doesn't deserve it anymore. [but for words that should have been so confident, Emerald didn't believe a single one of them with the conviction she needed.]

[They'd get to the fact that Yang had woken up for the moment later, but wow did that ever affect survivor guilt so badly, what with the timing that was involved. When she listened to Emerald, her eyes widened and she swallowed. Hard.

She was getting there, but it was a lot to handle. One hand reached up and ran over her cheek and she mouthed the words 'I love you.' A swallow and sh leaned in to rest her head against her forehead. The hand at her cheek went down to her heart and rested there against her chest. Finally, after a moment, she moved her lips up to her ear and breathed out very softly, like she'd done once or twice before.]

I don't deserve you either. But I will do whatever I need to, to be worthy of you.

[And in her mind? that was the difference. Cinder would never promise something like that.]

[every time. every time Neo pulled that, Emerald's heart skipped a beat. but this time it felt different. this time felt like it short-circuited her brain and opened up something that had been begging to be let out for months. her arms tightened, and she listened, and she spoke, and the words were simple. easy, for once.]

Neo, you're already worthy. I love you. I love you with everything I have left of my heart and knowing you and being with you is helping me get back the pieces that I threw away.

I'm still an anxious wreck and that's not stopping anytime soon, but I'm not doing this alone and I'm not going to be afraid to let myself have this anymore. [this time, she had a little more conviction in the words. still lies to herself at least in part, but couched in so much truth that she could ignore them.]

I know I don't have any... big grand gestures or anything. Nothing like what I heard about the Bees and their whole destined, written in the stars relationship, but. [she smiled and took both of Neo's hands, then lifted one close to her lips and pressed a firm and loving kiss to the back of it. a tad romantic for her tastes, but she was having fun.] But I hope it's a good start. I hope you don't think I love you any less because I can't change the position of the stars for us.

[She was fighting back tears when she listened to her and her forehead rested against Emerald's the whole time right up to the kiss before she nodded and managed to get one hand up to wipe away a tear or two, right before she brought one of Emerald's to her lips as well. A swallow followed and she took a minute to close her eyes and breathe before opening them again.

Ok. Yes, she could do this. She did, however, have to lean back a very tiny bit so that she brought her thumb up to her lips and drew it down in a quick motion, pointing at herself. 'I'm patient' it said. She pointed at her and signed 'You're worth the wait.' Really, neither of them were great at flashy romantic gestures it seemed, mostly because it just wasn't how Neopolitan communicated. She could be one hell of a peacock about so many things, but the fact that she didn't need to be with Emerald to speak her mind was really important to her.

'I know this will take time. This isn't easy, for either of us.' She wanted to make sure and exude the kind of confidence that she felt, that she understood that they were both really out there, in territory that wasn't easy to navigate for people like them. And she was ... ok with it. Because she had someone she could trust.]

[and Emerald was okay with it, too. she smiled and found it pretty easy to hold back tears this time, even though she noticed that Neo had a couple in her eyes. maybe it was because she still wasn't finished? but. she was already feeling a lot better about everything than she had when she started.]

I know you're patient. I just don't want you to have to wait this long to hear from me again if I have all these things weighing on me. I'm sorry that you weren't the one I came to first for everything that's happening. I just... I don't think I know what it's like to be this close to someone who actually listens to me. Who actually cares about what's wrong with me and wants to do something to help me.

[she exhaled.] It means a lot to me and I don't want to let it go to waste. And you know it does stupid things to my heart when I get to hear your voice.

'Thank you.'

[She mouthed that one. no sounds needed. She wanted her to understand that she was grateful when she said that she felt bad about not coming to her first. Not like Neo expected every time, but she wanted her to know that she absolutely could come at any time.

She did giggle a little afterwards and nodded. Of course she knew the effect. It's why she kept it rare. You know, so it had more 'punch.' She made a little hand motion, letting her know she could keep going. Somehow, she imagined there was more to talk about, though this was already a lot.]

[ugh. Neo made her heart melt sometimes just by doing things that everyone else probably considered pretty normal. but that's what falling into a relationship as damaged goods would do, and the thing was that the longer this went on, the less damaged Emerald actually felt.]

So, um. Gods. I was worried because Blake and Yang had that whole big destiny thing tying them together that maybe it made our relationship somehow less good? Or something. But, I mean, I really don't think that's a problem anymore. I think I just... had it in the back of my head and I had to get it out, you know? [she definitely did sound relieved, and lying to Neo was never something she wanted to do so this was as close to the truth as she could reckon right now.]

Speaking of her, though... I don't know, this is stupid, but, like. It's okay that I'm friends with her, right? Like. It's okay with you that I'm... that I was spending all that time with her. Like you're not worried about it or anything, are you?

[She slid back a little. This one was a lot easier with a note pad. yes, she liked to practice, but... it could take years to master sign language. Getting it all right when she had more to say was work. So she shifted to give herself enough space to write and scribbled after Emerald was done.]

Oh man, you need to tell me about this destiny thing.
What romantic notions have they been spouting to you?
I like to think you and I are making our own destiny and finding our own shooting star, so I like ours a lot.

But I'm ok with you being friends with her.
I've been trying a little with Penny and Oscar at times, so that's fine.
You two have more in common than you'd think at first glance.

[They both had hot-headed streaks after all. That passionate side in them both.]

You think so? [a small smile. it's nice to hear that there's parts of her that also exist in the heroes. it made her feel more... complete. more like she belonged. with everyone here. but she didn't want to think about it too long because it, like everything else, just felt embarrassing in her own head.]

Well, if there's one thing I don't think I have in common with her, it's big grand stupid gestures. She was telling me about this bottle cap that she kept with her or something... from the first night they hung out together? And how after Blake came back from whatever she was doing in Menagerie, she found a bottle cap washed up on the shore from the same brand of soda. Real storybook stuff, you know? [she pauses and looks at Neo, and her hand touches the back of her girlfriend's again, because she can't keep her hands off her when she's feeling content like this.]

But you're right. We're just telling a different way to get to happily ever after.

[She wasn't saying no to the physical contact, not at all. Her hands ran along Emerald's forearm while her other hand was being touched, even as she listened. That was soooo sappy. Yeah, she got it. They found all those happy coincidences and saw in them signs that they were destined to be together. It was kind of cute, wasn't it?

But, in a way, she got it even if she wanted to snicker. However, it made her think of her own idea, after a fashion.

Well, in that case?
we're just going to make our own bottle caps.
Nothing wrong with making our happily ever after.

[she smirked at that.]

Yeah? Are we gonna find the tiniest little thing that we can say is some kind of destiny? Or maybe just something that only looks tiny? [her hand crept up to the back of Neo's neck like it had when they were still... well, courting. courting? probably.] Something like a heart pendant that you kept warm against your chest for weeks before I got up the nerve to steal it for myself? And then I promised I would do all I could to keep it safe and sound for the rest of my life?

[her hand drew back, but she was certain to brush her fingertips against Neo's neck as it moved.] Something like that? You think that could be a bottle cap for us?

'Fuck...'

[She mouthed the word, realizing that she'd been almost insanely obvious and romantic with that gesture right before the fingers were on her neck. Her whole body shivered and she grinned, eyes fluttering some even as she brought her forehead back in close and nodded very slightly. The truth was that they actually had at least one or two gestures like that which really were perfect for this.

She managed a snide little grin, pointing at one and then the other.]

'Romantic fools.'

[What? They could both be that too couldn't they?]

That's us.

[but she wouldn't have had it any other way, no matter how complicated everything was. no matter how much her own mind raged like a storm. she mouthed her response to that first part with just a hint of her actual voice behind it. "maybe later." she'd see how she was feeling, but she was already in a better space than she'd expected.]

Gods, I don't know what it is. Just getting all of this out and remembering that you actually want to listen to me makes me feel better. I just... I want you to be part of my life all the time. And I just gotta remember that. I just have to remember this... this whole conversation, I think. [she slid her hand down to Neo's thigh and just rested it there.]

I told you a lot of things I was worried about, and you reassured me, and we figured it out together. And nobody got mad at anyone, nobody... nobody lit their arm on fire or clenched their fist or looked at me like I did something wrong just by breathing towards them. [a pause as she listened to her heartbeat, and heard how it wasn't changing anymore. how it wasn't jumping into her throat. it felt nice.] And I think somewhere in the middle I told you I love you with my voice for the first time?

'It gets easier with time, I think.'

[As her hands moved down to rest at Emerald's waist, she could definitely feel that. The more times it got reinforced, the easier it was for Emerald, for both of them to remember the fact that the other really cared and wanted to listen to their problems. Her hand rested on the back of Emerald's and she sighed.

She nodded softly. Seriously. You couldn't find the humor in Cinder. She really was awful. A little nod and she smiled, other hand going up to her cheek and resting there. And finally she swallowed, leaning into the ear one more time and whisper.]

'I'm going to love you, in all the ways she never could. You're mine. I never want to let you go.'

[all the ways Cinder never could. then Neo certainly had her work cut out for her, but... Emerald was okay with that. Emerald was absolutely, completely, unquestionably okay with that. and her heartbeat quickened again but all it did was generate more warmth inside her chest. when she spoke, she was quiet, too, and she was feeling more romantic than she ever thought herself capable of before.]

I told you once, but I didn't do it right. Can I do it again? [and a small smile as her words weighed heavy with intent and she looked right into Neo's eyes.] I love you. And I'm not afraid of it anymore. It makes me so happy knowing that I get to come home to you every day. Just having you in my life makes me a better person... even if we're both the bad girls. [a small, embarrassed laugh.] I don't want to get too sappy here or anything, but I wanted to make sure you knew. That I love you, and that I'm done being scared.

[She smiled at her and the way that Neo grinned was broad enough to show that she was fighting tears again. It didn't matter if she did it right. The fact that Emerald was doing it at all meant the world to her. She could be patient getting what she wanted because she knew how much the other girl was on board with her. Nodding, she leaned her forehead against her and made the signs for 'I love you' again, nice, up close and personal while she sighed.

Honestly, she could be as sappy as she wanted, and in this position, if she wanted a kiss it would be easy to give.]

[no tears. no more crying unless it was happy, and Emerald had every intention of leaving them both happy at the end of this. her face moved in closer and her hand wiped at Neo's cheek before moving down to hold her wrist. and she brought her lips closer, close enough to kiss, and it didn't take nearly as much time for her to decide what to do there.]

[maybe it wasn't wildly appropriate or a great way to end (or pause) a conversation, but she'd earned it. her head came in and she pressed her lips to Neo's, then a beat... then pressed harder. they'd earned this, together.]

[They'd earned this, all right. And when she felt the lips coming in and pressing to hers, the ice cream just melted. She leaned into it, pressing right back and feeling her fingers first clench and then ease. Tongue rested against lips and free hand went to the small of Emerald's back while she took security from the physical contact. This was what she needed, to know both in words and physically how much she was loved. She was an intensely physical person after all, with how little she could communicate normally.

But now, she could let her lips do the talking again, and it made her happy, her eyes closed and just resting against the warmth of her lover.]

[this was a much more comfortable, more familiar situation to be in when it wasn't in the front seat of some hotwired car. she didn't have to worry about anyone walking in on her or seeing her, and she trusted Neo not to laugh at or judge her, and she just. she just wanted to make everything up to her. starting with this.]

[her tongue pushed out from between her lips and between Neo's, and her hands shifted down to her girlfriend's sides, finding the edge of her clothing almost too quickly and slipping her fingers underneath. she wouldn't move anything out of place yet but she wanted to get that top off and prove something to herself. to both of them. once Neo knew what was her intent was.]

[Neo blinked once when she felt Emerald's fingers teasing under the fabric and starting to work her top off. Part of her was a little surprised, but the rest of her was just enjoying the sensation. Letting her tongue lay against her lover's, she loosened her grip, just enough that when Em managed to unfasten what she needed, it would be all too easy to get it off of her. She was in no hurry, but she wasn't going to say no to the contact, not at all.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject